Human Resources: How to Engage a Bullying Senior Manager

Q. How do we coach a bully senior manager? One of our senior managers is
a very smart man who over the years has contributed a lot to the growth of
our firm. He is, however, a bully -- and fully aware of it. He understands
how being unable to control his emotions and bad behaviors hurts his
colleagues, as well as his friends and family, yet he is not to willing to change
for fear of "losing face" with colleagues. He is considered the "king of
the firm" and no one seems willing to try and coach him.

A. All too often the head/s of a company pass the buck to HR when they
don't want to tangle with the big buck (or buck-ette), that is, the high
performing workplace bully. So this intervention will require a two-pronged
approach: engaging the conflict-averse company head and engaging this
dysfunctionally aggressive senior manager.

A. Engaging the Company Head. Before confronting the bully, you must
make sure the CEO, (I'm assuming this is the senior manager's real "report")
is willing to back your intervention on multiple levels - strategically,
legally (for example, once, as an OD consultant, I was threatened by an
outside attorney, hired by a bullying Department Head, when the latter's
intimidating behavior was not getting me to back off) and even security wise, that
is, having a plan to escort the bully from the premises if hazardous or
violent behavior appears imminent. If you have any doubts about your CEO's
support, I would not meet with the bully unless the CEO is present. At some
point, if necessary, I might invite someone from the legal department to be
part of the intervention team. Finally, while this bully manager has
"contributed to the growth of the firm," have you and the CEO done an analysis
of how many of the firm staff have left the company because of this
individual or are functioning at less than full capacity because of chronic angst?
(The use of the word "firm" makes me wonder if we aren't talking about an
attorney. Alas, it is not uncommon for an aggressive, Type A senior
attorney whose adversarial nature reaps success in the courtroom to become a
destructive virus in the boardroom and throughout the office.)

B. Engaging the Bully. Let me again take two approaches: assessment and
intervention.

1. Assessment. When working with or confronting a bully, to help with
your objectivity (and not let his personality or actions overly trigger your
"hot buttons") it's good to keep in mind that the bully him- or herself was
often bullied or abused as a child. So bullying often evolved as a
self-protective defense mechanism. Unfortunately, bullying behavior works -
pushing people around, getting your way, having people back off or avoid you,
etc. - especially when not confronted. As you note, this senior manager
likes being "king of the firm."

I also don't quite buy his fear of "losing face" with colleagues. This
assumes he has some genuine concern about his relationship with colleagues or
friends, etc. I suspect he has bought into his own self-centered image,
that is, "the king" doesn't make changes for anyone. Perhaps on some level
he is afraid of not having the capacity to mature and grow personally or
professionally; a deeper sense of inadequacy may be revealed, i.e., the true
demon, his shadow pain and rage - the "Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure."

2. Intervention. I believe a "good cop/bad cop" approach may be
necessary:

a) Stroke the Ego and Reframe the Behavior. While detailing examples of
his bullying behavior (and not just physical threats as "very smart" bullies
often engage in intellectual intimidation, hostile or condescending
putdowns, etc.) certainly acknowledge his positive contributions to the firm.
You understand his being a naturally aggressive, head of the pack (Alpha)
male, if you will. He may not believe he can channel his aggression without
stifling himself. However, he needs to learn to be dominant without being
domineering, as ultimately he puts his own status/career and the company's
legal and operational standing in jeopardy. And does he really feel proud
of himself when he pushes around people not his equal in size, synapses or
status -- like assistants, his children, etc?

b) Provide Learning Options. For this individual, change won't happen
from one "constructive confrontation," from reading a self-help book or even
from typical management methods. As most organizations don't like to part
with talented "rainmakers" (or touchdown makers, e.g., think how some
obnoxious prima donna athletes are coddled) I would first offer him personal,
confidential offsite executive coaching/anger management for two to three
months at the firm's expense. If this is turned down, I would mandate him
working with an anger management consultant, either offsite or in the work
environment.

c) Group Intervention. Finally, as is often the case with an alcoholic
member of a family (and I certainly would want to rule out alcohol or
substance abuse as a contributing factor in this manager's bullying), there may
need to be a group intervention before this senior manager opens up to the
above approaches. Such an intervention might include you, the CEO, and any
colleagues that this bully sees as "near equals" and, perhaps, even people
whom he has particularly aggrieved, professionally or personally. (During
one group intervention, I recall a bully not believing his actions were so
disruptive until a team member broke down in tears discussing her state of
near terror. I had to meet separately with this team member and fortify her
confidence before she would confront the aggressor.) It's usually wise to
have a professional consultant facilitate this group intervention.

Hopefully, the above assessment and intervention strategies help you feel
empowered and goal-directed. This is a challenging undertaking; don't be
afraid to make clear to upper management that an outside expert likely will
be needed to get this process moving. Ultimately, getting this bully under
control will be good business for the firm and will help one and all…
Practice Safe Stress!