In light of the terrorist
tragedy, here are some survival tips and strategies:
1. Engage in Anticipatory
Grieving. For some, this will entail
active protesting or rallying, pro or con. For others, the expression of anger
or anxiety needs to be private, prayerful and quiet. Whatever your mode of
expression, know that you may be on a emotional roller coaster racing through
highs and lows of a war-charged grief cycle. Memories of previous loss - not
necessarily war-related - may be stirred by our current crisis. This is not a
logical experience but a psycho-logical one. And if, or when, you sense you
need an ear, a shoulder, a hug, please...reach out. Or touch someone who does.
And don''t forget the kids. They, especially, need an adult pillar if not, also,
a teddy bear, a doll or a pet to help manage separation stress and their runaway
imagination.
2. Find Strength in
Numbers. Whether it''s a dear friend
who lost her 20 year old daughter in a car crash or the disparate folks
grappling with life - most people long for some group solace and support. Peers
who are there or who have been there can truly be "Compassionate
Friends." Despite wartime slogans and solidarity, KNOWING or, even,
knowing the stress of war introduces us, even if only for a fleeting moment, to
our absolutely indivisible, frightful, existential aloneness. Try not to run or
hide, unless you must. Better to stand fast, then feel and share...or share and
feel.
3. Adapt "The Four
''R''s of Burnout Recovery. Activities
that are meant to be restorative after the fact may be therapeutically applied
in anticipation of the battlefront:
a. Running. Start a
regimen of running, jogging, brisk walking, or endorphins pumping, jumping
routine. It''s not "runner''s high" but a runner''s calm that''s
biochemically induced. This chemical influx helps slow a racing mind and helps
lift a sluggish mood. Also, aerobic exercise is great for grounding you when
feeling vulnerable or when life feels uncertain and up in the air. There''s a
beginning and end point with a tangible sense of control and accomplishment.
b. Reading. In my
darkest hours, I always return to reading humorous stories, for the sense of
absurdity and for the endorphins. As the comedic genius, Charlie Chaplin,
observed: The paradoxical thing about making comedy is that it''s precisely the
tragic, which arouses the funny. We have to laugh due to our sense of
helplessness in the face of natural forces (and in order) not to go crazy.
Also, laughter has been likened to "inner jogging." Laughing with
gusto is like turning your body into a big vibrator giving vital organs a brief
but hardy internal massage.
c. Retreating. Now
most associations to the word "retreat" in a military context are not
so positive. However, for me the word means finding a refuge, a sanctum, a safe
haven where one can tend to wounds, reflect on the current psychosocial
upheavals and listen for our inner core, the emotional essence of who we are.
Here one discovers or, at least, realizes the need for a higher power - a
spiritual and communal connection with nature, humanity and/or the great
mysterious beyond.
d. Writing.
Especially in the void of wartime separation, writing (or recording a message)
to loved ones becomes the vital bridge to heart and home. But writing can also
be a source of self-discovery and a tool for keeping the faith. Journaling
through angst and loss is a time-honored tradition. And contemporary research
indicates that writing, especially when we take the time to express and analyze
our emotions can help us hold on in a stormy sea of stress.
Hopefully, this war will be
averted. And yet, any crisis, as the Chinese noted thousands of years ago,
brings both danger and opportunity. So, I will close with words penned years
ago during a double-edged turbulent period of my life: Whether the loss is a
key person, a desired position or a powerful illusion, each deserves the
respect of a mourning. The pit in the stomach, the clenched fists and quivering
jaw, the anguished sobs prove catalytic in time. In mystical fashion, like
Spring upon Winter, the seeds of dissolution bear fruitful renewal.
With thoughts of grace and,
as always...Practice Safe Stress!
Mark Gorkin, LICSW,
"The Stress Doc" TM, an
international speaker and syndicated writer, is America Online''s "Online
Psychohumorist" TM (Keyword Stress Doc or www.stressdoc.com ) For more info, email stressdoc[at]aol.com  or call 202-232-8662.